SURVIVOR TESTIMONY

Some of these stories are graphic, uncensored accounts of actual rapes and surrounding circumstances. The language used may be raw and include street slang. JDI has made only minor edits for spelling and clarity. The views expressed are those of the individual survivor/author, and are not necessarily the views of Just Detention International.

I have been incarcerated in the Texas Department of Criminal Justice for the past 6 ½ years now. It seems more and more I read about Safe Prisons and PREA (Prison Rape Elimination Act).

In reading some of the articles in which the men have written I thought I would finally share my story; A NON FICTION story that I have started many times to share with others besides offenders on my unit. I finally chose to tell my story after hearing about a former fellow offender; another NON FICTION story of a man named Rodney Hulin, Jr.

When I was transferred from the county jail to a unit where I waited to come to my ID unit, I was naïve to the things that really occurred in prison. I believed what I saw in movies which was if I kept my mouth shut, minded my own business and followed the rules I would be ok. So that's just what I did. Of course, I heard stories in county just like the movies of what goes on in prison, but that’s exactly what they were - stories! Until one day something happened. Something terrible happened and it happened to me.

One of my bunkies (a "friend" at that) and another girl raped me. Why me? What did I do to deserve that? Several other offenders saw what was happening to me and still did nothing. They turned their backs, kept their mouths shut, and minded their own business, just as I planned to do. Even my so called "friends" did nothing to help. Perhaps they were scared, too scared in fact to step up and help me. Maybe they thought it would happen to them if they said or did anything, or perhaps they thought they would get "cut up" with a prison fabricated shank. Whatever the reason it became my own personal nightmare. I still deal with this issue and will never forget the helplessness I felt that day.

When I was finally assigned to my ID unit I requested the chance to become a Peer Educator, that was in 2004. I had the chance to experience one of the best experiences of my life, by learning and sharing that knowledge with my fellow offenders. Such as women’s health and communicable diseases like HIV/AIDS, STDs, and Hepatitis. As a Peer Educator, I also helped teach Safe Prisons and PREA. Some people believe that if a person commits a crime, they will get what they deserve. You know how it goes, "DON’T DROP THE SOAP," "Fresh meat," or "Look what he did to come to prison"! Right? Wrong!!!

As you just read it does not only happen to the male prison population, just like in the "free" world rape does not only happen to the female population. Though the officer population believes that most of us (the prison population) is nothing but drama. Things happen, things like what happened to Rodney (a man), myself (a woman) and many "countless" others. Whether you're straight, bi-sexual, gay, lesbian, transgender, whatever. It doesn’t matter, rape is still rape!! If it happens behind the wire fences or not.

When the attacks happened to Rodney, myself and others there was no Safe Prison or PREA, no one to turn to. Rodney did try several times to get help from the guards but they sent him right back to the same cell with his assailant. Basically they sat back and laughed at him and his situation. Rodney even wrote I-127s (Step 1s) and I-128s (Step 2) and wrote his mother. But he was still brushed off, and his mom was, too.

Rodney never got any relief from his nightmare. Sadly Rodney hung himself in his cell just two days from being released to go home…TWO DAYS!!

It took a few years even after I became an educator to share my story not only was I too terrified and too ashamed to tell anyone I was raped…especially since I had it in my mind that "who would believe a bi-sexual female was raped by other women". I was a victim and I did not like it! It also made me realize some hard truths about why I was here and the people in which I victimized. They did not deserve to be victims either, like Rodney, myself and others who have been victimized in here.

We are incarcerated for our crimes and to do the time we were given and to learn from our mistakes. The world does not stop turning and the people do not stop living. However, we also are not sent here to be victimized and punished by fellow offenders, yes even by the guards. Now, I have to live with what I did to be sent to prison and the memory of what happened to me once I got here. It is hard to face it, but I shared my story today because I want to help new offenders (men, women, HUMAN BEINGS) that come through these razor fences, so they will know times have and are still changing and they can get help. When Rodney came into the system as did myself and countless others we did not know what signs to look for. But I have learned through my experience as a Peer Educator as well as from my nightmare, what they are.

I pray and hope in sharing a little of Rodney's story and mine it will help someone else from going through the same nightmare. Although, my mind asks questions constantly that I'm sure will forever go unanswered. I refuse to be a victim; I am a survivor and I’m stronger today.

For those who may have personally known Rodney please do not let him be forgotten. In closing this tribute I want to say I am so very deeply sorry Rodney you endured what you did. I have battled with the same nightmare and I also want to say you have touched my life and heart and if it was not for hearing about you and what you had to go through I do not think I would have ever had the strength to tell my story either… Though we never met in person I feel as if I know you. I will forever have a place in my thoughts and heart for you. You are and will always be more than just another TDCJ# and fellow offender, you will be a brother to me and to many of us.

In loving memory of Rodney Hulin, Jr
By Soaring Eagle, Texas

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