It’s me, Christopher, I got the things you sent me, and you just do not understand
the feelings going around in my mind. I’m reading the “
Hope for Healing
” and it has me crying. The feelings I feel are in
there. The things I’m doing to myself are in there, answers are in there.
It’s like all my feelings that I could not put into words, someone [else]
did. Whoever put this book together has really touched my pain. I see so many things
each day in this place that I just do not want to believe. I do see myself in this
Getting raped destroys you from the inside out, and it takes a part of you and puts
it where you can’t reach it. My momma quit writing me because she found out
I was married to another man in here. She told me I was sick and she did not want
to write anymore. And she stopped. See, she knows I got raped, but she doesn’t
understand how I’m surviving now. I ran to another man and married him so
I wouldn’t get raped again. My thoughts are so crazy on this; at times I do
not understand them. The fear is so great in my heart.
I try to break the fear, but the only thing I break is my heart…most times
I close my eyes and come out my body til it’s over…I feel so alone
inside. I have learned to stay alive inside these walls. I have no one to hear my
voice inside these walls. I feel no one will understand any of this if they have
not been through rape and lived through it.
Well, I will close, just thought I would thank you for the book and share some of
my feelings with you. Thank you for understanding and being there.