I am a 39 year old male heterosexual. I currently own a successful software company
which employs 22 people with very well paying jobs. I started the company from scratch,
in the basement of my parent's house when I was 26 years old - one year after I
was brutally raped in jail (not prison) by two inmates of the County Jail. I am
currently being treated for Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome after denying the incident
for more than 11 years.
I was 24 years old and had just broken up with my live in girlfriend. I was abusing
drugs and alcohol at the time (I am sober today). On my 25th birthday my best friend
'Walter' was going to show me a good time. Originally the plan was that he was going
to buy an 8 ball of cocaine in the Bronx and hang out with me at my apartment in
Stamford, CT. When he showed up he didn't have the coke. He had a friend in Bridgeport
CT which I had met before. He promised that we could go to Bridgeport and score
there. We drove to Bridgeport from Stamford and agreed to meet his friend on the
street. He called his friend again who told him to go to a street in Father Panic
Village. I had never been there, and had no idea where I was going. Walter and I
cruised around until we met his 'friends friend' who sold us an 8 ball. We didn't
have a chance to check it out but I took his word for it. I pocketed the bindle.
Suddenly lights went on and we found ourselves surrounded by Bridgeport Police.
They searched my car, Walter and I, and found the coke in my pocket. I mouthed off
to the cop a lot being the dumb 24 year old that I was. I told the cops that the
bindle was mine and they arrested both me and Walter and impounded my car. They
let Walter go with an open container ticket, but I was locked up. It was a long
holiday weekend and I was told I wouldn't see the Judge until Monday. I was afraid
to call my parents - big mistake.
I was put in a holding cell with a bunch of other guys and stayed there Friday and
Saturday. On Sunday, the jail was full and the Sheriff's dept. moved me and some
other guys to the Bridgeport Correctional Center until Monday morning. I saw the
cop who arrested me talking with the Sheriff as they moved me into a truck with
metal seats - all of us chained together.
They put me in a large cell with a bunch of guys - I clearly didn't belong. Two
really big guys approached me. The guard was aware of what was happening. The two
men started demanding cigarettes from me which I didn't have. They started slapping
me around and telling me that I had to give them smokes... A guard walked by the
cell and told them to quiet down.
Then they started hitting me pretty hard. I might have been able to defend myself
against one, but I was no match for the two of them. The bigger guy - his friend
called him "Hollywood" told me that if I sucked his dick he would leave
me alone. I thought about it for a while and decided that it would be better to
do that than to be beaten by these guys more. Mistake number two. I was scared as
hell and didn't know what to do. I started to do what they told me to do.
Even though I did what they told me to do it was not enough. It got more and more brutal
and humiliating. Soon I was forced to perform oral sex on the other one "G"
and the other one sat on me. He lifted my legs and I was penetrated anally. They
suddenly turn into the racists. They forced themselves on me more than once, and
I can never be sure, but believe there was a third man. My eyes and lips were swollen
from the beating I took and my face was a mess. I was bleeding from my anus. They
finally stopped when I vomited after one of the men ejaculated and urinated in
The next day I was supposed to see the judge. For some reason I was still afraid
to call my parents. I was visited by one of the corrections officers who didn't
seem to care much -- I'm sure he knew I was raped -- and he helped me clean up. I was
handcuffed with a lot of other men and we rode in the same truck with the steel
seats to the courthouse. At the courthouse I spoke with my court appointed lawyer
and started to tell him the story -- but he didn't seem to care. When I got into
the courtroom my lawyer asked for bail and it was set at $500 -- my friend Walter
bailed me out, but it was much too late.
The charges were eventually dropped. I hired a real lawyer, who made a plea that
I was a first time offender and that the chain of evidence had been broken. The
judge gave me 2 years probation and ordered me to a rehab. A month later I tried
to kill myself and was confined to a psychiatric hospital. I joined AA, stopped
drinking and drugging and got on with my life.
As I mentioned, I started a software company from scratch and turned from a one
man show into a 22 man operation -- and growing. It was only a year and a half ago
that I had to come to terms with being raped in jail. I was dating a woman who I
became serious with. When we started dating she told me that she was suing her former
employer for sexual harassment. The court decided that her sexual encounters were
consensual. I freaked out.
That triggered something in me that caused all of the memories of being raped to
come back in Technicolor. For the past two years I have been in therapy (I have
been hospitalized 3 times). I found a very compassionate psychiatrist named Dr.
Goodwin in CT who has extensive dealings with prison rape, as well as a psychologist
-- Dr. Rosenbloom who wrote a book on Traumatic Stress Syndrome.
In my recovery I have decided that I will lend what ever help I can to other rape
survivors. I would like to lend what ever assistance I can to anyone that needs
help. In the words of AA -- you're not alone.
My name is Bill
I am a rape survivor.
- Bill, Connecticut